Thursday, August 15, 2002

i am beginning to notice a trend that i myself even have fallen victom to. This whole business of making fun of the indie rock kids and how they all think they are so cool it fucking hurts. well i am now gonna officially gonna stop doing that right after i write this. indie kids, emo kids call them what you want they are all pretty much the same. it all stems back from those high school days, that is if your between the ages of 24-29. You younger kids had it eaiser and I will tell you why. You see around this time, the time right before you entered high school you had a choice. You could either walk into high school on the first day with teased bangs and keds or you wore baggy jeans and steel toed doc's. What you wore the first day represented you for the rest of your high school career. mabey you were on the outskirts of popularity ville and you were tired of trying to kiss their ass. mabey you were a complete dork with no friends at all. you see you have to be one of the other. because popular kids in junior high dont decide to go punk on their first day of high school. they are already popular and they already know what table they will sit at lunch and with whom. but for us outsiders who didnt know and were tired of trying to figure it out here is where the transformation comes in. if you go into high school the first day not looking as if you belong then some how it makes it okay if you end up eating lunch by your self. sooner or later another L7 fan will join you and then another and another. you start to form this bond with these fellow outsiders about how all the preppy kids are all so fake and its only you guys who keeping it real. you started growing real bitter and became some sort of eleitist. meanwhile the preppy kids made fun of you which only added fuel to the fire of hatred you had for them for never actually letting you "in" so you graduate high school feeling like the real world dosent understand you. your are so damn misunderstood you take this bitter bean attitude into the real world. where your only real connections are made with other people who are also misfits of society.
so why is it now that we cant just all get along and play nice at emos? well its because of a combonation pf things. you have become so sin-a-cool against people posing as depressed k record listeners. arrrrg i am loosing my train of thought! every time i think i have this all figured out it always ends up fizzling out.....damn i really thought i had stumbled on to something deep and profound. i will try this again later
i have watched myself become unbelivably shallow. when i have friends i have them once. none of that he pissed me off years ago but we are cool now shit. nope if someone looses my trust once they can never fully regain it. has becomming shallow made my life any easier? well frankly yes. this dosent take a way from me being a good person to my friends it just make it easier to accept people who dont want to be mine. i dont like having to pretend. and this way i dont.
bla bla bla poor little rich girl daddy sends her to france for art school and all she can do is feel sorry for hoo. thank god for prozac and wellbutrin!